Beyond mere existence

A series of events ...

Kids flocking my door for Ganesha festival's donation (most of which I know will land up in their parents/ uncle's pocket); me buying a cycle I know I would seldom use; my bai asking for increase in pay after 3 years; me seeing a poor lady buying a packet of chips for her kid when her second child starts asking for another one; my inability to do something about the flood situation... makes me realise how helpless I am. How ill-managed and selfish all my decisions are. How all I do is crib. How all I have done in these years is earning a living for myself, except a few of those times when I give away small donations. My quest and jest for life has been left to make a career and munny for myself. My definition of patriotism has been reduced to standing up when the national anthem is played, calling myself Indian at every opportunity and paying taxes regularly. What I want, you may ask. I want to think before spending that munny if it can be better utilised. I want to align my achievements with that of the society. I want to see every project end not on the computer screen or an e-mail but on the expression it creates on people. All this may seem absurd and disoriented. But honestly, every time I read stories of people who have made this a reality for themselves, my heart aches. I do not say what I do is not needed. It's needed for the greater good and the bigger picture of our country's growth. But whenever I look around, all I can see is my effort, the so called taxes, are not helping or making big difference to the life of the needy. Instead, the rising salary of mine and many others increases the gap between the poor and the rich, and making a living in cities costlier.

This post may seem impulsive and raw or even immature but I needed to vent it out. What can be a better place than my blog :-)